FullMetal Preschoolers!
by Jenna Wilder
Summary: Taking over the world...one playground at a time! The FMA cast are shrunk down to four year olds whose main intent is to NOT be in preschool. Yes, I know that the ages are all wrong. It's fanfiction and it's fun to write. XD Chapter six is up!
1. Chapter 1

"Edward!"

"Here!"

"Alphonse!"

"Here!"

"Winry!"

"Present, ma'am!"

"Roy!"

"Wha - oh…um, HERE!"

"…Hughes!"

"Here!"

"Kain!"

"Fury, ma'am. Present!"

"Liza!"

"Here!"

"Jean!"

"I go by Havoc." the blond replied sullenly, taking the lollipop out of his mouth long enough to say it.

Roy raised his hand and immediately shouted at the top of his lungs. "LIZA'S PRETENNING TO SHOOT ME!" he wailed, pointing at the girl sitting next to him.

Liza's reply was to kick him in the shin and yell "bang!" as loud as Liza-ly possible.

Their teacher sighed. _This is going to be a looong year,_ she decided, mentally kicking herself for accepting the job as she continued calling the roll. "Envy…what kind of a name is that?"

"Present." the boy named Envy grinned. "Gluttony ate my crayons."

Gluttony smiled with a blank look on his face and took a large bite out of someone's notebook. The owner of the notebook screamed, stood up, and brought her backpack down on Gluttony's head.

"Lust, we don't hit people. Calm down." the teacher interrupted, taking the bag from the dark-haired girl. "Why don't you sit over there?"

"I don't wanna sit next to Armstrong!" Lust complained. "Make Gluttony move there instead!"

"You be quiet, you whiny person." Roy said, turning around and glaring at the three.

"Shut up or I'll make Gluttony eat you, you skirt-chaser, you…dummy!" Lust shot back, throwing a box of crayons at Roy. He ducked and hurled his set of paints right back at her, drenching the teacher.

Liza pulled her water gun out of its holster and pointed it at Lust. "Take it back, you…you…evil person! Nobody insults Roy without dire consequences!"

"What's 'dire' mean?" Havoc asked, yanking his water gun out as well. "Fury, back me up!"

"With what?" Fury demanded. He, too, held the apparent weapon of choice. "I can't back you up if you're behind me!"

"Sure you can, just shove him over." Envy said, laughing.

Three water guns sprayed him with red food coloring, leaving two blood-like trails running down his forehead and one spreading just above his heart. The teacher screamed. "Did you really hit him? Envy, are you all right?"

"I'm fine." Envy smirked. "It's funny, wittle bitty Roy has to have his bodyguards defend him from a girl."

With a terrific yell, Roy jumped on him. Liza pretended to reload her gun, took aim, and got Envy straight in the eye, which was a remarkable shot for a four-year-old trying to hit one of a pair of brawling boys. Hughes threw toy daggers at Greed and Lust as they tried to gang up on Roy, while Fury and Havoc took potshots at everyone else within range.

The teacher yelled something about time-out for everyone. A few minutes later, the culprits (in other words, everyone but Armstrong and the Elric boys) were sitting in chairs facing the wall.

"This is all your fault." Roy muttered darkly at Envy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Darcia Plushie** – glad you liked it.

**Shiruba Neko – **Haha. I'm considering adding Scar, however, I'm waiting for the right moment.

**Vivian Remora** – Yeah, I know about the whole Riza/Liza Fury/Fuery thing, and yes, I did consider writing it that way. I think, though, that I'll keep it like this (simply because I'm too lazy to edit the first chapter XD). Dunno about other FMA fanfics…maybe I'll fix it then.

**AnimaBaya – **glad you think it's cute – it was created while on a sugar high, so…yeah.

Disclaimer (I forgot this in the first chapter, lol) : I don't own any of these people or places. Wish I did, but no...sigh

"Psst. Hey, Edward." Liza poked the tiny alchemist and hissed at him in a stage whisper. "We're making a plan against the teacher 'cuz she put us all in time-out, come help us."

"I wasn't in time-out." Edward argued, glancing at the teacher to make sure she was still engaged with helping Armstrong. "This is Roy's problem, not mine."

"Come on anyways. Maybe, if the teacher doesn't come tomorrow, you can study what you want instead of reading the kiddy books." Havoc whispered back. "We're meeting outside during recess, okay?"

Edward, left with the choice of reading _Mother Goose_ or his new textbooks, decided almost immediately. When the teacher called recess, he chased after Roy and his partners in crime.

"So what are we going to do?" he panted, falling over on the grass.

Roy sat down next to him, a piece of paper in his hand and a somewhat-evil grin on his face. "We're going to follow this. Edward, you're the best at sneaking around 'cuz you're so small, I wan' you to – "

His comment was cut off by a yell of outrage from Edward. "WHO'S THE SUPER SHORT SHRIMP WHO'S SO SMALL YOU NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE HIM?"

Liza, Fury, Hughes, and Havoc grabbed hold of his arms and restrained him from attacking Roy. "Don' do that." Fury whispered loudly. "Liza will shoot you in th' eye wif her gun."

After calming down considerably, Ed sat back down and listened to the rest of Roy's self-named "faulty-less" plan. He was to tie the teacher's shoelaces together, while Roy and Liza (of _course_ Roy would work with Liza, Havoc complained) put holes in the bottoms of all the cups. Fury was going to let his dog loose on the snacks. Havoc would color, with whatever permanent markers he could find, on the wall. Hughes would glue everything else in sight together, and Armstrong would serve as a distraction during their misbehaviors.

"Hopefully the teacher will not want to teach us bad little kids any more." Roy said cheerfully, setting fire to the piece of paper with a match he produced out of nowhere. "Then we can take over the world!"

"Who ever said anything about taking over the world?" Liza said, poking him rather hard in the ribs. "You have too high expotatoes."

"Expectations." Edward corrected, stomping on the flaming paper that Roy had carelessly discarded.

I hate Microsoft Word. I swear, it underlines EVERY OTHER WORD I type! Cheese...I think I need a 'fanfic' setting where it only underlines mispelled words and not words that I write in every sentence. >. Ah well...read and review! Or Roy will hunt you down and enact his perfecty plans!


	3. Chapter 3

Again, I know about the whole Liza/Riza thing. Sorry for confusing anyone, but I think I'm going to keep it this way (for now at least.) XD

- - -

"Ready for our perfecty plan?" Roy whispered to Armstrong. "Go!"

Armstrong shoved the table that he, Roy, and Hughes were sitting at. It fell over with a huge crash, making the teacher jump at least six feet and slam her head into the ceiling, breaking through the tiles and plaster.

She didn't come back down.

"Oopsie." Roy said, cackling. "She stuck. Right, men…and woman…go! Enact the plan!"

"How am I supposed to tie her shoelaces together?" Edward grumbled. "She's about three feet out of my reach!"

"Climb on a chair!" Roy yelled back as he and Liza raced off to the supply cupboard.

"What if I fall?" the blond wailed, pushing a chair over underneath the teacher and reaching up to tie her shoelaces together.

Havoc gave the chair a sharp kick. Edward fell over, taking the teacher's shoes with him. "Tie them like that!" he ordered, rummaging through the teacher's desk drawers and grinning evilly as he found a box labeled _PERMANENT MARKERS_. Edward proceeded to tie an elaborate knot that even he didn't know how to undo, and then decided to help Hughes with the superglue they had brought from home.

Roy and Liza found the supply cupboard and immediately pounced on the red plastic cups. "How do we poke a hole in them?" Liza asked, jabbing one with her finger.

"I dunno," Roy replied exasperatedly, "let's just jump on 'em instead." He stacked a few cups on top of each other and leapt on top.

The poor red plastic cups, unable to hold beneath the weight of a fat little four-year-old, collapsed with a loud _crunch_. Liza and Roy giggled, then began a cup-crunching contest.

Fury, his puppy's leash clutched in his fist, watched them with a wide grin. Black Hayate was devouring the stale graham crackers as fast as his owner could pull the packages open (which wasn't very fast at all).

Winry and Alphonse each took hold of one of the teacher's feet and pulled. She came down with a crash, landing on a chair that Hughes and Edward had very recently superglued. Havoc looked up from his wall art, smiling sweetly. "Do you like my drawings, teacher?" he asked, his face radiating innocence.

The lady screamed, tried to stand up, and fell over with the chair on top of her.

Liza and Roy came in with armfuls of squashed cups. "Edward, will you count these for us?" the gun-toting preschooler asked. "Roy says he has eleventy million an' I think he's lying. Did you squash the teacher with a chair?"

"Nah, she smished herself." Havoc said, tallying up the cups in Roy's hands, then the ones in Liza's. Al and Winry set the teacher upright and pushed the chair into the closet, slamming it and locking it triumphantly. "Roy, you have eleventy million, but Liza has eighty-twelve."

"Which one's more?" Liza asked, amazed at Havoc's ability to count.

The blond boy smirked at Roy. "Why, eighty-twelve, of course." This began a squabble that remained unresolved until the parents came to pick their preschoolers up.

"Aren't they so cute?" Roy's mother asked Trisha Elric as every child present burst into tears at the mention of going home.

"Oh, yes. Have you seen the teacher anywhere? I want to ask her what they learned today." Trisha said, smiling as Al and Ed hid behind her skirt.

"She goed out for a while." little Fury piped up, holding his father's hand and his puppy's leash.

"No she didn't!" Lust piped up, ignoring the glares from the culprits. "They were very very mean to her and slammed her in the ceiling and – "

Havoc caught Roy's attention. Upon receiving permission, he leaned in and kissed Lust full on the mouth.

Envy and Greed's chorus of "yuck!" combined with Lust's sudden wail was enough to draw the parents' attention from the teacher.

The boys high-fived each other behind their parents' backs. "I don't think the teacher wants to teach us anymore." Roy whispered, grinning evilly.

---


	4. Chapter 4

Again, I **KNOW **that Liza'a name is Riza, okay guys? I've posted this in the last two chapters. XD Please listen - I do know her name!

Disclaimer - I don't own FMA. Yet.

- - -

The children arrived bright and early Tuesday morning to find another lady in the place of their old teacher.

Roy pushed a piece of paper at Hughes. Since neither of the boys could read or write very well yet, it was just scribbles with the occasional letter or misspelled word thrown in, but Hughes got Roy's general drift and passed the note on to Havoc. Havoc passed it to  
Liza, Liza passed it to Armstrong, Armstrong passed it to Ed, Ed passed it to Winry, Winry to Alphonse, and Al back to Roy.

The pyromaniacal preschooler caught the teacher's glare and grinned sheepishly as she shook her head. He stuffed the note in his pocket, satisfied that it had fulfilled its purpose.

"Well, kids, my name is Miss Izumi. I heard some rumors about your last teacher…and I hope that, whatever you did, it does not happen again. I'd hate to see one of you get hurt." she continued as if nothing had happened, writing _Miss Izumi_ on the whiteboard with a blue marker.

Winry raised her hand. "Miss? What's that?" she asked, pointing.

"This?" Izumi traced the tattoo the girl had pointed at. "It's called a flamel."

"The serpent cross?" Edward said, forgetting to raise his hand.

Their teacher smiled slightly. "Yes, that's right. I take it you're Edward…?" She handed out sheets of paper and set a box of assorted writing utensils on the table. "We're going to write our names today, everyone."

"Our first names or our first and last?" asked little Fury, taking a crayon.

"Well, if you know how to write your last name, that's fine. It's up to you." Izumi shrugged. "Now, does anyone need help?"

Fury began to write neatly on his sheet of paper. "K-A-I-N…F-U-E-…um…F-E-U…." He always struggled with the last name thing since he had seen quite a few people spell it differently; however, he was fairly determined to get it right.

Finally, he threw his crayon on the table and crossed his arms angrily. "I can't get it right!" he complained.

Izumi was busy helping Greed in a futile attempt to spell his name. "It's not G-R-E-D, or G-R-O-D, or…"

Envy leaned over to whisper in Greed's ear. "It's S-T-U-P-I-D." An evil grin spread on his face as gullible little Greed began to write the letters Envy dictated.

Havoc read Fury's paper with interest. It consisted of K-A-I-N and then a great deal of scribbling. Next to it lay a broken crayon that had been scribbled with forcefully and snapped under the strain.

"Do you want help?" he whispered to Fury. The smaller boy nodded. "Okay, let's do this. We know it has an E somewhere, but since we don't know where, let's leave it out." The blond wrote quickly with his green crayon on Fury's sheet of paper. "See? Your name is K-A-I-N...F-U-R-Y. Does that work?"

"Yes! Oh, thank you!" Fury threw his arms around Havoc's neck and hugged him. Havoc made a gagging noise and fell over.

"Greed, this really isn't funny." Izumi said sternly, picking up the paper that he handed to her proudly.

"But Envy told me how to spell it!" Greed said, pinning the blame on his friend. Envy hid under the table, still grinning.

Liza whipped her water gun out of its holster and shot him in the eye once more. "You're a bad boy, being mean to your friend like that." she lectured as Envy wailed. For shooting Envy, Liza received a five-minute time out, which Roy protested at the top of his lungs, earning one himself.

Seeing a trend being set up, the rest of Roy's partners in crime began instant misbehaviors, earning themselves various amounts of time facing the wall. Roy jabbed Hughes in the back and whispered at him. "We need to get rid of this teacher-person too."

"Yea, I know. But how do we do it? She's very…um…acceptive."

"PERceptive." Edward corrected, turning to face them. "I like her."

"You WHAT?" Roy yelled, forgetting that he was in time-out and getting another ten minutes added to his punishment. "How can you possibly like her, you…shorty!" he continued in a more quiet tone.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD BE MISTAKEN FOR AN ANT?"

Izumi cleared her throat. "Ten more minutes for you too, Edward."

Roy, with an fanged grin plastered on his little face, whispered at the blond in question. "Hey, Edward…if you want to talk to me, get a stool so you can talk to me face-to-face."

Edward pegged the back of his arch-enemy'shead with one of the many kiddy-sized blocks lying around. "Roy, after I get out of time-out, I'm going to kill you." he muttered. "I'm going to jump on you, tickle you until you die of laughter, and then bring you back to life and kill you again!"

- - -

Sorry about the space between the update, but I had a major Lit paper due and one night to write it in, so yea...


	5. Chapter 5

Short update this time, I know. XD I'm gonna collapse from all the homework I have to do…Lit paper went well, thanks everyone for being patient.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA…yet. Muahaha…

- - -

"Well, boys, how was your first day with Izumi?" Trisha asked her sons as they sat around the table eating lunch.

"We're all gonna die." Alphonse said matter-of-factly, munching on a sandwich.

"Does the soup have milk in it?" Edward asked, eyeing his bowl of tomato soup.

"No, Ed, it doesn't…or if it does, not enough for you to taste." she added as he took a huge mouthful. "Alphonse…what do you mean, you're all going to die?"

Alphonse ignored his brother's spluttering due to the threat of milk in his soup, and took a bite of his lunch that required his mouth's stretching to huge proportions. "I mean, _all_ of us got put in time-out today, and miz Izumi says that if we're bad again she'll –"

"Al, you look like a chipmunk." Edward interrupted, poking his brother's cheek. "Dun talk with your mouth full."

"Yeah? Well, don't _spit_ with your mouth full, mister I'm-Gonna-Spray-My-Family-With-Tomato-Soup." Alphonse retorted around his sandwich. "Eat your lunch."

- - -

"All right. What's our plan to get rid of the teacher this time?" Roy asked, dragging a picnic basket behind him. Liza lifted up the other end and they carried it to a shady spot under a tree, where their accomplices joined them.

"I think I should get to draw on the wall again…that was fun!" Havoc suggested, sucking on his trademark lollipop.

"We already squashed all the cups, so we can't do that." Roy said, somewhat sadly. "Ditch the lollipop, Havoc, I brought you a sandwich."

Havoc bit the lollipop and crunched on the sugar, turning his tongue blue. "And I don't think we can really distract miss Izumi. She's got eyes in the back of her head."

"_Really?_" Fury squeaked, hugging his puppy plushie tightly. "That's scary."

"It's an espresso." Roy said, laughing at the youngest member of their ranks, as if his comment explained everything.

- - -

"Gluttony! Did you eat my sammich?" Lust smacked Gluttony over the head with the nearest item at hand, her bookbag.

Gluttony, seeming not to notice her smack, ate her bag and looked for more, devouring their basket, Envy's plate, and Greed's shoes. The owners of said items tackled him as Lust screamed at the top of her lungs to anyone who would have sympathy on her. "HE ATE MY SAMMICH AND MY BRAND-NEW BAG!"

- - -

Izumi glanced over the papers that the principal had handed her. "Exchange student…blah blah blah…starting tomorrow..." She ruffled through the papers, looking for anything else important, and came upon her shopping list.

"Why the heck do I need to buy plastic cups?" she asked the ceiling. "And snack foods, there should have been enough of those to last. This is only the second day in school…"

- - -

They're all gonna die…

Thanks all for the reviews! XD I love reading what you guys have to say!


	6. Chapter 6

I honestly don't know what day it is in the story, sorry. Okay, ready for the all-caps announcement everyone?

I KNOW HER NAME IS RIZA DARN IT! YOU REALLY DON'T NEED TO TELL ME, I'M JUST TOO LAZY TO CHANGE IT RIGHT NOW! IF IT'S THIS BIG A DEAL I'LL BE SURE TO MAKE HER RIZA IN ANY OTHER STORIES!

Lol.I have only seen 1-8 in the anime series, so I have no idea who Dante is except what I've heard from other people. Um…other than that, yeah…sorry for the huge space between the updates. Fall break next week, w00t! I'll have more story writtenthen!

-----

Wednesday morning, Izumi didn't call the roll; instead, she addressed the class in a no-nonsense tone they have gotten used to hearing.

"We're going to get an exchange student today." she said. "I want you all to be _very_ nice to him."

Edward's little hand shot up in the air. "We're preschoolers, we're too young to have exchange students." he commented. "Where's he from?"

"Ishbal, if I recall correctly." Izumi answered, ignoring Ed's comment about being too young. "Now, I don't want to hear any complaints from him about being picked on. If I hear so much as _one_ complaint or _one_ incident, you will be in so much trouble that if trouble were water, you'd drown."

"Got it." they chorused. Someone knocked on the door.

"That must be him now." Izumi muttered, walking to the door and opening it gently.

"Hi." said two voices below waist level.

Two?

Izumi looked down at the boy. "I thought there was only going to be one exchange student." she said, confused.

"There was," the boy nodded, "but her parents sent her at the last minnit."

"Um…well, come on in then. What are your names?"

"Don't gotta name." the boy grumbled. Izumi took the sheaf of papers he handed her and flipped through them. Sure enough, when she found his ID paper the name section was blank.

"All right…what about you?" she sighed, nodding at the girl as she continued to flip through papers.

The girl hid behind her friend and said something at a tone that was barely audible.

"I'm sorry?"

"Her name's Ari." the boy said for her. "Ari," he whispered, "you gotta speak up."

"I know that, Scar-san, but she's tall. And scary." Ari whispered back.

"Scar?" Izumi asked, more curious than anything else.

"Ya." the boy agreed. "Ari calls me Scar, so I guess you can too." He took a seat at a nearby table, dragging his friend with him.

"Right…Scar and Ari…welcome to the classroom. How did you…get here by the way?"

"We walked." Ari piped up, her huge grey eyes meeting Izumi's. "It was a long long time."

Izumi was stunned for the first time in a long time. "You _walked?_ All the way from Ishbal?"

The new kids nodded.

"Well, I'm impressed." She went to the supply closet to get the foam letters, and was ambushed by several other items falling on her head. Muttering death threats against the person who stocked the closet in the first place, she picked up the mess and retrieved the letters.

"Hey, new kid." Roy whispered loudly, poking Scar in the back with a ruler from his convenient seat behind the Ishbalan boy. "Wanna help us take over the world?"

"Not really." Scar whispered back. "Don't poke me."

Roy jabbed Ari with the ruler. Ari squeaked and scooted her chair forward, then turned around and regarded the preschool tyrant. "What?"

"You wanna help us?" he demanded. Scar grabbed the ruler from him and threw it at his head.

"Not if Scar-san doesn't want to." she replied. "Please don't poke me."

Izumi set the foam letters down in the table. "Roy, _behave yourself_." She made a motion across her throat with two fingers.

Roy gulped and fell silent.

"Right, today we're going to work with letters." Izumi announced. "I'm hoping that each of you will learn to spell a new word."

Edward raised his hand. "Can we spell antidisestablishmentarianism?"

Izumi stared at him. "Only if you can define it." she challenged.

"Originally, opposition to the disestablishment of the Church of England, now opposition to the belief that there should no longer be an official church in a country." Ed said all in one breath.

He was handed a pile of foam letters. "Start spelling, Edo-kun. Anyone else have something they want to spell?"

-----

Sorry for the short chapter. Blehh...darn writer's block.

Next…assistant teachers and random fits of imagination. Thanks to Shiruba Neko for letting me use Ari in the story…ya.


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